Have you ever had one of those difficult weeks, and then you finally reach the weekend, but things just seem to get more challenging? God knows I always tell myself it’s a bad day not a bad life, but some days the struggle is real.
While our crazy season is upon us between sports, eight grade overnight trips out of state, and even pending news of school acceptance you could never tell by looking at my face that I'm barely holding it together.
Let's start with my oldest. He made the varsity baseball team which is predominantly seniors and as a junior himself it’s a proud accomplishment. As a player this is a kid who absolutely loves the sport and everything about it. Now as far as his previous two years in high school baseball, he has worked his ass off to get to where he is. His coaches have often complimented his work on and off the field and any accomplishment he has reached, he has earned on his own. No fancy camps, expensive private trainers or $500 bats, it’s been all him.
As we wrap up his first official game week, I could see the disappointment in him due to the lack of playing time. One game he was used as a pinch runner, another he had one at bat and today’s game he didn’t even touch the field. The mental exhaustion I endured from seeing him upset broke me to my core. Trust me when I tell you these are the varsity expectations and we shouldn’t be surprised. But no matter what I felt, I had to be mom and listen to him vent, complain, doubt himself and even question his talent. One thing I consider myself is lucky, lucky that at 17 my kid still wants to sit and talk to me and ask for advice.
While I had many opinions, I had to leave this one to play out on its own and let him figure out his best route. And guess what, he did just that! He reached out to the JV coach and asked to be brought down. While most kids his age want the bragging rights and varsity letter, he rather have the more repetition and playing time to help lead a newer team and encourage them to continue to love the game of baseball. While the JV coach was looking forward to having him on his team, he realized that the Varsity coach would not release him down. Fast forward to mid-May, he adjusted to his situation. He understood that this season would be a trial to test his endurance.
As we reach the bottom portion of this season, he suits up without knowing how much involvment he will have on the field. He has played full games and also has sat many more. But that means nothing to me, what makes me happy is that he didn't allow himself to be defeated. He accepted the season for what it was and didn’t make a permanent decision out of a temporary feeling. While I can’t take credit for his maturity because he did it on his own, I can take credit for being just mom and listening along with bringing him a sense of support.
Unfortunately, my rough week does not end there, let’s move on to my little guy. My sour patch, happy, but grumpy 8th grader. Knowing him is knowing happiness with a hint of salt and lime. After spending the last two days recouping from his Washington DC trip, the day finally arrived and his long-awaited acceptance letter had finally reached our mailbox. To give you a better idea, he has the choice of local high school which I have no problem with since I myself graduated from there, but he can also apply to attend a county technical school. Now getting into this particular school is not easy. You must type two essays take a very difficult entrance exam and get a package of recommendation letters done by your teachers, along with expectations of straight A’s. To be honest the only reason he wanted to attend this technical school is simply because it is the school my oldest currently attends.
Now about the letter, I held up this thing over the sun light, the kitchen chandelier, a flashlight just to try to make out the words typed that could be life changing. Part of me thought perfect if he gets in, I can have both in the same school system without driving all over the place. In a sense I was being selfish thinking about me and making my life simpler. What I was forgetting is that I was trying to place two completely different kids with opposite personalities into the same mold. As I lifted that letter once again into the sun light, I can see the words unfortunately we can’t offer you admission to our class of 2027. My heart sunk so far down I could feel my heartbeat on my toes. I handed him the letter for him to open but first said whatever outcome you still have a great school you could attend and continue playing sports. Sure enough, his smile turned upside down in three seconds as the letter hit the floor and he went into his room. After some time of giving him space, I went in to reassure him life is destined for us and there is a bigger plan for him then that school he hoped to attend and no matter where he went, he would leave his own wonderful legacy.
Fast forward to dinner six hours later, he said thank you. While confused as to what I was being thanked for, he continued to say because you always find the right things to say, and you reassure us we are destined for greatness in our own individual way. Shocked is an understatement but most of all proud that he was able to bounce from the disappointment and find positive out of it.
That difficult, helpless week I was having quickly turned into reassurance that even though some days I feel like I’m failing as a mom, my boys show me that I must be doing something right. Also, they’re not afraid to let me know, mom you got this, you got us. So mamas, let’s cut ourselves some slack. Let’s stop trying to save every single situation in our kids' lives and let them figure it out on their own. After all, we are the reason for the wonderful upbringings, heck we raised them that way. So as much as we love to teach our children to succeed, we should also teach them to embrace disappointment. Always remember some things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.
So mom's Thank Yourself, Praise Yourself, for the love of God Treat Yourself. We are badass human beings. We get handed a role we don't interview for, and cannot prepare for besides the experiences we go through in our daily lives. But the plus side about this nonpaying job is the perks. We get to raise little humans in our best way to hopefully become amazing adults. We give them life, but they don’t realize they change our lives. There is no way to be a perfect mom, but a million ways to be a great one.
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